


from way up there, you & i

by dialecstatic



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bonding, Cliche, F/M, Falling In Love, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trans Character, ideas of fate, this is basically my attempt at a romcom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 14:31:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15415053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dialecstatic/pseuds/dialecstatic
Summary: here are the facts: when two hearts set each other ablaze, they light their own path to happiness





	from way up there, you & i

**Author's Note:**

> title from 'you & i' by ingrid michaelson
> 
> important note: this DOES NOT take place in my "whatever a sun will always sing" series. it's a completely separate work in a separate au/verse/timeline!
> 
> it's also very, very cliché and mushy, intentionally so, because i'm a big romcom fan, so i hope you enoy that!

Here are the facts:

 

Mark Lee is nineteen years old, and packs his life into a suitcase to move across the country. He shares a dorm room with a twenty year old who might or might not be some sort of woodland creature and wakes him up every morning when he sleeps through his alarm. He enrolls in more classes than everyone tells him is necessary, and the registration desk volunteer gives him a pained look as she checks his choices one by one into the system. By the fourth week, he’s dropped two of them, and already knows that Creative Writing 101 is his favorite.

 

For anyone looking in from the outside, it might seem like it’s only because his bustling imagination is given an outlet. And that might be true. But the fact of the matter is, at nineteen years old, there is one thing that tends to inspire people more than anything else, and he’s found it in the row in front of him, three seats to the left.

 

For all the time he’d spent finding himself, he never really thought about finding someone else along the way. The long nights in his bedroom putting pen to paper, trying to let out all he was feeling, the weight on his shoulders, had left very little room for someone to come and make a home in the crevices of his heart.

 

Now he’s grown, almost, more sure of himself than he’s ever been, and yet the fact is this:

 

Mark Lee is completely, utterly, almost painfully infatuated with the girl from Creative Writing 101.

  
  
  
  


“You need to get your head out of your ass,” Renjun says over Skype one night, far more interested in meddling in Mark’s love life than on catching up with any of his college adventures. “And talk to her.”

 

Mark sighs, drags a hand over his eyes. “It’s not that easy. She’s like… Way too good for me.”

 

Renjun groans on the other end, a stilted witness to Mark’s ever present insecurities, and Mark wants to tell him to zip it, because it has to be true. He can barely look at her without feeling like his puny mortal envelope is going to disintegrate from how intense her aura is.

 

“Besides,” he continues, trying to calm the shivers going through his body as he recalls the way her hair was brushed over one ear, “I don’t want her to think I’m only talking to her because…”

 

Because him and her are the same.

 

She hadn't made a fuss about it, simply introduced herself to the class like anyone would, only her nervous hands flattening her skirt down betraying the nerves that probably took over for a second. Mark had listened with wide eyes and a pounding sensation in his chest, felt something flare up within him at the knowledge that he wasn't alone even so many miles away from home.

 

Even if he feels way too small and insignificant to talk to her, her presence in itself is reassuring enough.

 

“You’re overthinking this, man.” Renjun says, “if anything, she’ll probably be happy she’s not alone out there.”

 

Mark knows he’s right, because he’d felt the same upon meeting Renjun himself. The relief that had come with that fortunate encounter had lifted so much weight off of Mark’s shoulders back then that he can only hope to do the same for someone else now, but he still feels a little uneasy at the idea of approaching her with only assumptions.

 

“I’m thinking this is less about you being queasy about the whole trans thing, and more about the fact that you don’t know how to act when you have a crush…” Renjun pauses to wait for a reaction, but Mark only has time to give him an offended look before he continues. “But of course, that’s none of my business.”

 

“I’m perfectly capable of handling my feelings, thank you.” Mark spits out at him, wagging a finger at the camera.

 

Rejun barks out a laugh, folds his hands behind his head as he stretches. “Sure.” In that moment, Mark is glad Renjun doesn’t decide to bring up the many, many instances where that hasn’t been exactly true. “In any case, talk to her. You have nothing to lose, right?”

 

That’s one way to look at it.

  
  
___

 

The next Creative Writing 101 class comes before Mark has time to prepare for it.

 

When he walks into the room, she’s there in her usual spot, already scribbling something down in a notebook, and it takes all of Mark’s willpower to tear his eyes away from her delicate fingers, from how warm her hand looks. He stumbles across the steps to his chair, rubs his eyes until he sees white to try and get his mind in order.

 

By the time the professor walks in, he’s already trying to think up any story he can, distracting himself with inane tales of suburban life and writing down anything that comes to mind.

 

“Alright,” the professor claps his hands over his head to get the class’ attention and Mark nearly brains himself with the end of his pen. “Let’s get right into it. The key to writing is to know the world around you.” he says, and though his words are obvious, the confident way he speaks lend another meaning to them. “Know the intricacies of life, and of people. That way, you can spin any kind of story.”

 

There’s a general hum of appreciation around the room before he speaks again.

 

“Today I want you to pair up with someone in this class-- who you have never spoken to before.” he emphasises the distinction with a sudden movement of his arm. “And talk about your own stories. Your life stories, that is. The most important ones you’ll ever write.”

 

Mark’s heart starts doing jumping jacks in his chest when people start talking together and he can’t unglue his eyes from her back.

 

“You’ll have the alloted time for this class to converse with each other, and I highly encourage you to meet up during the week, too. By next class, I want a short story starring your partner as the main character.”

 

The assignment seems benign, but as the seconds pass and he’s frozen in place waiting to see if anyone will ask him to partner up, Mark realizes he has another option. It might be making his tension go up way above the average for his age, but he slowly gets up and out of his seat nonetheless,

 

In the half minute it takes him to get down the stairs to her row, Mark tries to imagine her story, wonders if it relates at all to his own. Renjun’s voice in the back of his head tells him it has to, but he shakes it off. If he’s going to do this, he’ll listen to her on her own terms.

 

When he gets to her and she turns in her seat to face him, Mark has to wipe his brow before he speaks. “Hey. Um. So.”

 

Oh, great.

 

“I was just wondering, do you want to maybe,” his tongue feels like it’s never going to untie itself. “Do you want to pair up? For the, um, assignment?”

 

She flashes him a grin so big and bright that Mark thinks he might have gone blind for a second, stars dancing on his nerve endings. “Yes, sure! Let’s do it!’

 

“Wow, really?”

 

Mark immediately wants to punch himself, or pinch himself, or anything that might make the embarrassment go away. “Cool! Cool, cool.” Fuck’s sake. “Cool.”

 

She beams up at him, takes her bag from the seat next to her to put it on the floor. “I’m Xuxi.”

 

The name rolls off her tongue with such pure joy that Mark has to take a moment to compose himself, try to get his heart rate in check.

 

“My name’s Mark. Mark Lee, but you can just call me… Mark.”

 

“I will definitely call you.” Xuxi says, smile taking up her entire face as she writes the date down in her notebook. “We’ve met before, right? Not in this class I mean.”

 

Oh no.

 

It was never like Mark to pry into anyone’s personal life, and he’d prided himself in being able to stay out of the trouble and drama Renjun and Donghyuck liked to stir up in high school. But he hadn’t been able to help himself that day, eyes drifting to the folder she’d been holding, the “Name Change Request” paper peeking out just enough for Mark to be able to make out the words. He’d had to fill that form enough times by now to recognize it at first glance.

 

He remembers the way his stomach had churned when the administration assistant that day had called a name and she’d screwed up her face into a frown before getting out of her chair. He’d felt so helpless and yet, the idea of her finding out he’d been looking at her affairs, even unintentionally, makes Mark want to crawl into a hole and disappear for the rest of his academic career.

 

The idea that she remembers their brush in administration, that she might have seen him glance at her documents, sends a chill down Mark’s spine.

 

“Ah, uh, yeah, maybe? During orientation?” he tries to brush it off, painfully aware that he’s only digging himself deeper into a situation he doesn’t want to be in in the first place.

 

Xuxi purses her lips in thought and then makes a small noise in recollection. “Student body administration! Damn that corridor was stuffy.”

 

Mark feels a single bead of sweat making its way down the nape of his neck. He’s overshot this by a lot, too much, thinking he could maintain a conversation when he feels like his heart is melting in his chest.

 

“It sure was.” he says, rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans. “You got everything sorted out though, right? No need to go back?”

 

Why he asked that is a mystery to Mark himself, but he’s so nervous that the fact Xuxi doesn’t instantly blow up at him for intruding seems like a victory in itself. She gives him a small smile, brushes her hair behind her ear.

 

“Yeah. No worries on that front.”

 

“That’s good. Good.”

 

Mark knows he has to say something, anything, to get the conversation rolling before the awkward silence can stretch past the point of no return. So he chooses the first topic that comes to mind, despite his initial reservations, egged on by his reminiscence of Renjun’s push and the knowledge that if he doesn’t get it out of the way now, there’ll be no space for anything else.

 

“I thought it was very… uh.. Brave. The way you just told everyone, the first day, I mean…” it’s slurred and stuttered, but it’s a start, and Xuxi perks up at the words just the same. “It can’t have been easy. I know I’m still scared to tell people.”

 

A spark courses through the air before Xuxi speaks, her eyes fixed on something she’s doodling on her notebook. “Sometimes you just have to grab the bull by the horns, you know?” she says, her lips still curled upwards. “I don’t regret doing it. I’m proud of being me!”

 

There’s something so innocent and untainted in her voice, and Mark feels his heart rate easing up just like that, knowing she’s as happy as she seems to be, that she’s letting everyone know.

 

“That’s awesome.” is, somehow, all he can think to say. There had been no grand public coming out for him, just an aside with each of his professors, and that’s what felt right. He knows there’s no rush, no need for him to do what Xuxi did, but her confidence still gives him some in turn.

 

“So, you too?” Xuxi asks before Mark can say anything else, her big eyes fixed on him. “I mean, sorry, you don’t have to tell me of course, I just thought-”

 

“Yeah.” Mark nods, somehow content. “I’m trans too. Hi.”

 

He waves at Xuxi and she waves back at first, then softly places her hand against his. It’s just as warm as Mark imagined and he commits the feeling to memory. She says, “It’s nice to meet you.”, and Mark smiles back at that, clears his throat so they can start talking in earnest.

 

It goes smoother than he could have ever imagined, although at every turn Mark has an echo in his head that sounds suspiciously like Renjun telling him, “I told you so.”

 

___

 

So, here are the facts:

 

Xuxi is just a few months older than Mark is, but she likes to flaunt it enough that it makes him blush, and he has to hide behind the sleeve of his hoodie as he writes. She speaks four languages, a virtue of travelling all over as a child. She lives alone in the dorms but hopes to change that, says she doesn’t do well with loneliness. Mark knows too well what she means, so he vows to try and ask her out, at least once, so she spends one less evening alone.

 

She likes reading, but she likes writing more, loose sheets almost overflowing from her bag as she tries to shove her notebook in there, and she loves music, gives Mark an entire page’s worth of recommendations before the class is over.

 

“Maybe this will help you get to know me better.” she says with a smile, innocent as ever. Mark notices that her eyeliner is smudged, but he doesn’t know if it’s polite to point it out, so he doesn’t. She looks amazing regardless, anyway.

 

 

 

When he gets back to his room, Mark barely takes the time to say hello to his roommate before he puts his earphones in, fingers tapping away at his phone to find every song. Lying on his back, the world grows quiet, only Xuxi’s music in his mind.

 

As he makes his way down the list, he notices a string of numbers and a scribble of a flower, and his heartbeat gets so loud in his brain that it almost overpowers the music.

 

“Hey.” he calls, trying to hear himself over all the sounds rumbling in his head.

 

Something falls on the floor with a loud thud, and Mark sits upright, taking his earphones out to find his roomate on the floor, clinging to his desk for dear life.

 

“You scared the crap out of me!”

 

Mark scrambles off the bed to try and help the poor boy up, mumbling as he goes. “Oh my god, I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear myself and-”

 

“Yes, I figured.” his roommate snarls, brushing himself down. When he looks up, he must notice the look on Mark’s face, because his expression immediately softens into the one Mark is used to. “Oh, boy. What’s up with you.”

 

Without a second thought, Mark grabs the paper from his bed, straightening it out best as he can before holding it out in front of his roommate’s face, a finger pointed to the last line. “What do you think this is?”

 

“I-”

 

“Please.”

 

“Mark, that’s a phone number.”

 

The incredulous tone cuts Mark deeper than he expected, because he refused to let himself believe it until someone else confirmed it for him. Right now, though, he feels a bubble of excitement floating up in his chest, a rush of confidence taking over him. “Wow.”

 

“Is it that lady you’re always talking about?”

 

He looks at the paper, then back at his roommate, eyes wide. “You think I should…”

 

“If she gave you her number, then she obviously wants you to. Do you want to?”

 

It only takes one flash of Xuxi’s smile in his mind for Mark to nod so hard his neck nearly snaps.

 

“Then do it! I can feel the start of some epic love story already!” the roommate says, clasping his hands together.

 

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Mark mumbles, already typing the number into his phone. He feels a pair of hands grasping his shoulders, almost making him drop everything.

 

“No. I promise this is going to be great, or my name isn’t Kim Jungwoo.”

 

___

 

To Mark’s surprise, his phone doesn’t immediately catch on fire when he texts Xuxi. As they talk, he discovers that she loves emojis, exclamation points, and the tilde, and tends to send several messages instead of long ones. Strangely enough, he doesn’t mind the constant buzzing, finds it almost reassuring. It’s a way to know she hasn’t gotten bored of him yet.

 

They agree to meet the next day, at some little café adjacent to the Humanities building, a place Jungwoo recommends and Mark has to Google to make sure it’s in his budget. He gets there fifteen minutes early, fixes his hair in the glass door four times before realizing a group of seniors are looking at him, and even with all his preparation, he still feels his palms getting clammy when Xuxi rounds the corner and waves at him.

 

“Oh no, have you been waiting long?” she pouts, out of breath when she gets to him.

 

She’s wearing a button up shirt that’s printed with yellow flowers, bright and sunny in her image, and Mark’s brain nearly short-circuits. He shakes his head, looks up at her with a smile. “No, no it’s fine. It’s really- it’s fine. After you?” he says, opening the door and letting her inside.

 

The café is cramped, full of students getting their fix already, but they make do and squeeze into a tiny booth, closer to the kitchen than necessary, and Mark hopes they won’t have to shout. Xuxi gets an iced latte with whipped cream, decadent and delicious, digs into it enthusiastically as Mark struggles to fit a notebook on the table.

 

“It’s ok, we don’t need it!” Xuxi exclaims. There’s a dot of cream on the tip of her nose, and she doesn’t seem to notice.

 

It’s all Mark can do to lean over the table a little, hoping to overcome the noise. “You have something…” he says, grabbing a napkin.

 

“Oh?” Xuxi takes it from him, dabs at her nose and laughs. “Damnit. I can’t believe I wasted that!”

 

“I’ll get you another.”

 

The words stumble out of Mark’s mouth without a second thought and he freezes up, but Xuxi’s smile is warm enough to thaw him down instantly. “Thank you.”

 

“You know,” she starts, tossing the ice cubes around with her straw, “I was kind of hoping someone would manifest themself. When I did.”

 

That’s understandable, Mark thinks. Back in high school, Renjun’s presence by his side had been an unwavering force that kept him moving forward, and he’s not sure he could have done anything he did then if he had been alone. He felt lucky, maybe, to know someone else was going through the same things that he was, and still is.

 

“No one ever really takes me seriously.” Xuxi continues, watches the remnants of whipped cream form clouds on the surface of her drink. “I guess I’m not really the ideal image of femininity, maybe, but… I like myself the way I am.”

 

Mark nods, wrings his hands together. “I guess I can understand? I mean...” he’s not sure how to put it, but it’s better than not saying anything at all. “We know what it’s like to not fit a certain mold.”

 

“Hmhmm.” Xuxi hums around her straw, lips smacking together when she comes up. “Maybe that’s why I like writing so much. I don’t have to be the ideal! I can just create my own.”

 

I think you’re ideal already, is what Mark would say, maybe, if he was Renjun. But he’s not, so he simply smiles in agreement, because she’s absolutely right.

 

“Maybe I’ll make you a dragon-slaying princess, then.” he says, delighting in the way Xuxi’s face lights up. “Or the captain of a spaceship?”

 

“Well, the prof didn’t specify what age group the stories should be aiming at,” she laughs. Then, suddenly “I’m really glad you’re here, Mark.”

 

He’d chosen his own name and was always proud of it, but hearing it in Xuxi’s mouth makes it sound even better.

 

“I’m really glad to be here too.” he replies, and hopes Xuxi understands what he wants to say.

 

He doesn’t want to pry, ask her about the road she’d taken to get where she is. It’s something she’ll get to, if she wants to, but Mark doesn’t need to know it. He wants to know her, what song gets stuck in her head when she walks to class, how she looks when she gets to eat her favorite food, if she has a sweatshirt that smells like home and that she burrows in for comfort on rainy days.

 

There’s something in her smile and beyond that Mark wants to unravel, and he can’t quite believe he’s fallen so hard already, but he’s ready to accept it if it means getting to see more of the way her eyes crinkle when she laughs and how she touches her fingers to her lips when she thinks. He’s already dreading telling Renjun about all of it, but he still will. There’s no one else who can keep him that grounded, after all.

 

“If you make me a princess,” Xuxi chimes, “Are you going to give me a prince too?”

 

Mark nearly chokes on his drink right then and there, but counts himself lucky that he at least didn’t snort it out through his nose. “Am I-”

 

“I think I’d like that.” she says, propping her chin on her open palms.

 

Mark doesn’t know what to say, so he says nothing, nearly swallows his straw whole to drink as he waits for Xuxi to change the subject.

 

He’s never been so thankful to someone when she does.

 

___

 

Jungwoo is out of the dorm that night, on a date with some senior he met at a workshop, and Mark is already regretting video calling Renjun.

 

“Dude.” Renjun says, dragging a hand down his face. Even through the questionable internet connection, Mark can see the exasperation in his eyes. “You’ve known each other for two days. She was probably just teasing you.”

 

Mark wants to put his hood on and tie the strings together to disappear inside his hoodie. “I definitely freaked out for nothing.”

 

“Look, it might not be nothing! You’ve been talking a lot from the start, maybe there’s a feeling there,” Renjun points at the air. “Just don’t get ahead of yourself and let your nerves ruin the whole thing, okay?”

 

That’s not something Mark’s ever been particularly good with, but he wants, so much, to try for Xuxi that he’s willing to take Renjun’s love advice just this once.

 

“I just. I know I want to keep talking to her, and hanging out with her, even after the assignment is done…” and it’s the truth. He’s already dreading just going back to watching her from afar, though he’s trying his best to convince himself that won’t have to happen. "But a feeling? Really? You sound like Hyuck when he starts talking about the stars and the cards.”

 

“And when has anything Hyuck said about that ever been wrong?” Renjun tilts his head to the side and cocks an eyebrow. “Hm?”

 

Mark hates to admit it, but he has to give this one to Renjung. Ever since they were kids, Donghyuck has had an interest in reading star charts and tarot cards that turned up uncanny results more often than not. The thought of a higher power predicting his fate is obscure and quite frankly a bit terrifying to Mark, but he’ll take help from anyone and anything right about now.

 

“This is going to sound super cliché,” Renjun’s voice comes from the monitor to drag Mark back to cold reality. “But sometimes, things are just meant to happen. Doesn’t matter if you’ve known each other for two days or two years.”

 

The idea of a set plan for him had always left a bitter taste in Mark’s mouth. He’d deviated so much from it already, though, just through living life as he knows is right, that maybe this is one of the developments he made happen himself. Maybe he’d forced fate’s hand enough that it had concocted another trajectory entirely for him.

 

Whatever the case may be, he knows he has to get out of his own head for once, so as much as it pains him, he has to give this one to Renjun.

 

“I guess,” he says, throwing his hands in the air. “You’re right.”

 

Renjun smirks and flashes him a thumbs up. “Maybe she didn’t mean anything by it. But if she did, you’re the only one who can find out.”

 

Mark guesses he’ll have to be a prince on an adventure after all.

 

___

 

The agree to meet on Saturday at the park, and Mark spends the entire morning shifting between six different shirts and three pairs of jeans.

 

Watching from his bed, Jungwoo whistles everytime he tries a new one on, and laughs at how Mark is standing there, in his binder and boxers, hands planted firmly on his hips as he surveys his options. “Since when do you care about fashion?” he asks, voice rough from his night on the town.

 

“Listen, we’re meeting outside of school grounds. This is a date by any other name, right?” Mark sighs, scratches his head before picking up his original option.

 

Jungwoo sits up in bed, one leg dangling over the edge. “Did she say it’s a date?”

 

That’s the one thing Mark can’t stop thinking about. Xuxi had texted him on Friday morning in the middle of his poetry class, and he’d been so disoriented with trying to catch up with both the course and the conversation that he isn’t sure exactly what Xuxi meant.

 

“No. Not in so many words, no, but after her remark from last time, I mean…” he stumbles through the sentence, unable to let go of Xuxi’s words that day at the café.

 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself then.”

 

For all intents and purposes, Mark knows that Jungwoo is right. It would be a misstep on his part to treat this as a date if Xuxi doesn’t see it as one, and the last thing Mark wants is to scare her away by being too forward, though he doesn’t think that could ever happen given how she seems to make his brain malfunction every time she’s around. He just wants today to be nice, as nice as possible because he gets so few chances to just hang around with anyone as incredible as she is.

 

“Right. Yeah.” Mark says, hears Renjun’s voice telling him to go for it. He feels like both he and Jungwoo are sitting on his shoulders right now, sending alarmingly different messages. “Yeah.”

 

He hears a shuffling noise behind him and then Jungwoo is at his side, bending down to reach for an abandoned shirt in the corner of his bed. “This one. I see you wear it all the time, so you’re obviously comfortable in it. And those jeans, yeah. See! That's lovely.” he says, smoothing the shirt over Mark’s chest and nodding in satisfaction at how it matches the denim. “Don’t try to be anyone you’re not, okay? You don’t need frills, don’t need to overthink this.”

 

Mark takes the shirt from Jungwoo’s hands, feels the soft, worn material under his fingers. This is going to work out any which way, so he decides to trust Jungwoo’s judgement and avoid being late to the park.

  


 

He gets there five minutes early and spots a free bench, a little ways away from the crowd that usually gathers here on weekends. Texting Xuxi his exact location is more of a hassle than it should be, but Mark thinks he’s never quite made things easy for himself when it comes to her. She finds him anyway, waves from the other end of the grass strip, her entire body stretched out as she stands on her tiptoes for a reason Mark can’t quite find.

 

The next second, he’s too stuck on the way Xuxi’s shirt falls off of one shoulder, barely held up by the strap of her overalls, to even bother figuring out any reasons for anything. He’s trying to get his thoughts in order before he can properly greet her when she reaches him, dropping her bag at her feet.

 

“Sorry, am I late?” she asks, a certain lilt in her voice that’s like music to Mark’s ears.

 

He shifts a little to give her more space, can barely lift his head to look at her. “No- no, you’re fine. Don’t worry!”

 

He never gets tired of the way Xuxi smiles with her whole body, a pure, simple kind of joy overtaking her. “Thanks for agreeing to meet today.” she says, leaning back and looking through the branches of the tree they’re sitting under. “I didn’t want to keep you from your friends.”

 

“Well, you see, the thing is,” Mark fiddles with the bottom of his shirt. “I don’t really have… any… friends. Here. They’re all back home, still.”

 

Xuxi gives him a soft look. “Oh?”

 

“Yeah. It’s fine though! We still talk a lot. And my roommate, Jungwoo, he’s pretty nice. But he has a lot of friends of his own.” Mark knows he’s probably oversharing and Xuxi doesn’t care, but he can’t seem to stop himself. “So I was pretty, um, excited, when you asked me to meet up. I’m glad to have a friend here now.”

 

There’s an unmistakable change in Xuxi’s expression, and though he tries, Mark can’t figure out what it is. “I’m glad I can be your friend. Really.” She rolls her shoulders a little as she straightens up, picks her bag up from where she left it. “I’m kind of the same. I guess people are a little… Cautious, around me.” the tone of her voice doesn’t change, but Mark knows what she means, and he hates it. “So I’m happy we don’t have to be alone!”

 

It’s only a matter of minutes before they fall into an easy flow of conversation, Xuxi recounting the first time she’d tried on clothes she really liked, how she felt like she’d finally grown into her own skin.

 

“Like… I knew it wasn’t only about the clothes, but just seeing myself like that…” she says, places a hand over her heart. “It made me feel so relieved.”

 

Mark thinks of a princess donning her armor to face the world for the first time. “Yeah. I get that, I really do.” he scratches his nose, shifts to sit cross-legged on the bench. “Y’know, even if clothes aren’t everything, it’s still nice to be able to express yourself like that, right?”

 

“I wish first impressions weren’t so crucial,” Xuxi kicks her feet up, sends some dirt flying from under her boots. “But I also like being able to wear what I want.”

 

The conversation quickly shifts from clothing to high school woes, Mark telling the story of how he’d met Renjun after the two of them had, almost as if connected by a thread already, refused to change in the girl’s locker room in their first PE class of the year. That’s how Mark had ended up changing in a broom closet with a transfer student he never planned on getting to know, but is more than happy that he did.

 

“It was like, the most impossible yet best coincidence of my life. If Renjun hadn’t transferred to our school, if I’d never met him…” he thinks about the way his friend has pushed him, the week prior, into what had turned out to be the most fruitful gamble of his life. “I wouldn’t be here talking to you right now. He’s the risk-taking part of me.”

 

Xuxi tilts her head back, deep in thought. “And are you the responsible part of him?”

 

“God knows I try to be,” Mark snorts. “But I trust him to do the right thing, more often than not. He’s smart enough for both of us.”

 

“I have a friend like that too.” Xuxi remarks, pulling her phone out of her pocket. She fiddles with it for a moment, scrolling through folders until she makes a small content noise and shows Mark her screen. She’s posing with a giant ball of cotton candy and a smaller, much more unassuming person next to her, seemingly on their tiptoes to avoid being hidden by the pinkish cloud.  “This is Kun, she’s almost like my sister, although she usually calls herself my babysitter.” she says, laughter tinting her words.

 

Mark takes in the picture, how happy the both of them look, and feels reassurance washing over him that Xuxi didn’t have to be alone in the world before they met. Kun seems like a warm person, with a smile that reaches her eyes and a hand on Xuxi’s shoulder, keeping her grounded.

 

“I guess we’ve both got a way to go before we’re grown, uh.” Mark puts his pen down on the bench to try and collect a ladybug, but it flies away before he can do anything else.

 

Xuxi simply watches it as it disappears into the sky. “I think we’re doing good already.”

 

All in all, Mark thinks he would have to agree. There haven’t been any mishaps since they both arrived in their new world, and now they’re here, fast-growing friends opening up to each other in a way Mark had never thought possible after such little time. Maybe it’s because he and Xuxi are a reflection of each other, because they share a struggle, but he likes to think it’s more than that. There’s something between them that just flows, easy like the spring breeze all around them, a warm feeling that fills his heart. He hopes Xuxi can feel it too.

 

“We are.” Xuxi says. “Well, except last week when I walked into a wall, but-”

 

“You what?!” Mark jumps, inches closer so he can check her for injuries, although she doesn’t complain.

 

There’s a beat before Xuxi giggles, pressing her palm to her forehead. “Well, a webcomic I really like had just updated, and I was so excited to read it that I missed the cafeteria door by a good two inches.”

 

It’s taking all of Mark’s willpower right there to not burst out laughing, because he knows if he does, Renjun will somehow hear about it and find a way to tell Xuxi about the time Mark walked right into the glass door of their then-local hangout. So he just holds his hand over his mouth and waits for the tingling feeling around his jaw to die down, takes in Xuxi’s bashful expression and the way she tugs at the straps of her overalls.

 

“I guess I’m a bit clumsy, sometimes.” she says, “You were bound to find out so, better tell you now!”

  


It’s inconceivable, and yet very real, that Mark would feel raindrops on his nose and cheeks at this very moment. They come one by one at first, their frequency and rhythm getting quicker, denser, as Xuxi opens her hand to feel them on her palm.

 

“Are you kidding!” she pouts, hastily drops her notebook back in her bag.

 

Mark silently curses at the sky before packing his own things away and standing up, holding a hand out to Xuxi. “We’re like five minutes away from campus, you think we can make it to the library?”

 

“Well,” Xuxi says, standing up and shifting from foot to foot for a second. “We’re about to find out.”

 

And then she takes Mark’s hand in hers, and they start running as fast as park regulations will allow, dodging dogs and strollers along their way to the exit. It’s only when they get there that they realize they’ve taken the wrong one, farthest away from their campus’ entrance, and so they scurry across the sidewalk, Mark wishing, hoping and praying that he actually closed his bag before deciding to race against the elements.

 

When they take a sharp turn into a shortcut Xuxi swears is legitimate, yelling out of breath that she heard it from a senior in her dorm building, Mark feels a tug on his shoulder and realizes that Xuxi’s hand is still firmly held in his, warm against the cold bite of the rain. He chooses not to linger on it, to let it happen instead as the downpour intensifies, soaking through his jacket.

 

He calls, “You okay?” to Xuxi where she’s running ahead of him, and she only answers with a delighted sound and a vigorous nod, water droplets flying off of her hair like a halo.

 

It seems like they’ve been running forever, from how hard the rain has gotten in just a few minutes, when they finally reach campus. They both spot the entrance to the library, a coveted dry space, and let out triumphant yells in unison.

 

“Oh my goodness.” Xuxi exclaims, running her hands through her hair. “What in the world?”

 

Mark snorts, “That’s spring weather for you.” and takes off his jacket, unwilling to catch a cold right now of all times. It drips down onto the concrete steps of the library, but they’re safe and sound under the roof of the entranceway.

 

He looks over at Xuxi to makes sure she’s okay, and as he does, Xuxi shakes her head vigorously, trying to get rid of the water lodged in her hair. It flies off in every direction and hits Mark square in the face, his hands flying up in a defensive stance while he yelps, an undignified “Hey!” bouncing off the wall. Xuxi gives him a puzzled look, strands of wet hair obscuring part of her vision before she realizes and brings a hand up to her mouth, eyes going wide.

 

“Oh no, sorry!” she reaches her hands out towards Mark but doesn’t seem to know what to do with them, so they just hover there for a second. They both fall into a fit of giggles at the situation, Xuxi leaning against the wall and watching the rain fall, her features once again peaceful.

 

At this moment, Mark feels a surge of courage like he’s never felt before, running through his veins like new blood. “Is it weird that I think I’m falling in love with you?”

 

He feels his heart jump two steps all the way to his throat when Xuxi starts and looks at him, her perfect lips slightly parted like she wants to speak but doesn’t know what to say. Mark knows he should probably stop staring at her, not expect too much after such a blunt move, but to his surprise, her expression softens and red starts creeping up her cheeks.

 

“Is it weird if I feel the same?”

 

Her words cut right through something in Mark’s chest, a ball of nerves and doubt he’d been growing almost without realizing it, and they completely tear it apart, leaving only flowers blooming in its place. He doesn’t feel so small, all of a sudden, and thinks that maybe the rain isn’t so bad after all, with how emboldened he feels from the adrenaline.

 

 _‘Weird’_ might not be the right way to put it, because Mark doesn’t know enough about this kind of feelings, especially not his own, to pretend he knows anything about falling in love. He’s heard so much, though, about how special it is, and even though this isn’t the seemingly ideal slow crescendo he’s read about, there’s no way to deny the urgency of his own feelings.

 

“I- honestly, I think I’ve been falling in love with you since I first saw you,” he says, wrapping his arms around himself. “I just didn’t want to scare you off, because we haven’t known each other that long…”

 

Before Mark can drown in his own doubt, Xuxi pushes herself off the wall and down the three stone steps, and she lands right into a puddle. “Mark, come on!” she calls for him, and there’s like hands pushing Mark forward, what little reservations he still had about letting himself fall completely washed away by the rain.

 

“We’re alive, right?” Xuxi asks, extends her arms out to take in every drop. “We made it. Life’s too short and unpredictable, so let’s make the most of it!”

 

She takes a step towards Mark, links her fingers with his. It takes one look in her eyes for Mark to be sure.

 

“Did you mean what you said about wanting a prince?” he charges on ahead, because it still lives in a corner of his mind and he can’t think of any better moment to ask. Behind Xuxi he sees the campus where they met, and thinks that as grey as it looks right now, it could be the backdrop of an adventure like neither of them has lived before.

 

“Dream big, right?” Xuxi replies, pushes her drenched hair out of her eyes.

 

Mark can feel droplets running down the nape of his neck and down his shirt, but he doesn’t feel cold. “You should. You deserve to.”

  


___

  


Here are the facts:

 

Mark and Xuxi play under the rain until a campus security guard starts scolding them, and, too wet and hyper to go into the library by now, they run to the main building to dry off, hands still holding each other. The rational part of Mark’s mind knows they should go back to their dorms, dry off and change, but he refuses to let go of the moment as long as Xuxi wants to stay in it too.

 

He drops her off at her dorm building in the early hours of the evening, promises to text as soon as he’s back in his room. She hangs on to him by a pinky, and when he turns back to say goodbye one last time, Xuxi swoops in to plant a warm kiss on his cheek, says, “Thanks for carrying me home, my prince.”

 

For the first time since he started college, Mark gets a full night’s sleep, and his dreams aren't filled with loneliness and homesickness anymore.

 

 

 

Mark gets a text on Sunday at one in the afternoon, hunched over his laptop as he’s already halfway through the story he wants to tell. His heart feels full and yet so light, and Xuxi’s habitual string of emojis only reinvigorates him as he reads through her words at least three times before replying. If Jungwoo wonders why his roommate spends the entire day with a wide, dopey smile on his face, he doesn’t think to intrude and ask.

 

Eventually, Mark does tell Renjun, and has to accept defeat when his friend gloats over the monitor. “Oh, I’m absolutely updating the group chat as soon as you hang up.” Renjun says, making Mark want to throw his phone away for the next twenty-four hours.

 

“Shouldn’t I be the one to do that?” he quips, but Renjun doesn’t budge, and Mark doesn’t care enough about the formalities either way to stop him.

  


 

What he cares about is seeing Xuxi on Tuesday morning, as he walks to class with a spring in his step. His short story is tucked away in his bag, safe and sound. He and Xuxi had agree to only read each other’s stories once they’d handed them out, though Mark is a little embarrassed, still, when he remembers that he’s already drafted the email. There are certain things he still can’t quite find the guts to say aloud, and he’s sure Xuxi will understand.

 

There’s a light tap on his shoulder and Mark turns around to find Xuxi standing there, a vision in the daylight streaming from the windows.

 

“Hey.” she murmurs, smile tugging at her lips before she can even finish.

 

Mark knows how she’s feeling, because even just this simple word makes him beam up at her, the way their hands brush against each other sending electricity through his body. “Hey.”

 

“Are you ready?” Xuxi asks, and as if on cue, she looks back over her shoulder to see their professor approaching.

 

Even though Mark now knows for a fact, deep in his heart, that this is merely a beginning, it still feels bittersweet to be handing in the assignments that started it all. He lets Xuxi wind her hand with his as the door to their classroom comes unlocked, and she leads the way in.

 

There’s that lilt in her voice again as she walks to her seat, determined as ever. “Ready to tell our stories?”

 

Mark considers going back to his own, eyeing the row before he stops in his tracks. There’s no point isolating himself anymore, not now that Xuxi’s here. He nudges her a little as he sits besides her, and Xuxi readily makes space for him, the pristine printed assignment already waiting on top of the desk. Mark resists the urge to steal a glance at the first words, but he trusts that they’re hopeful, at least.

 

The road ahead still isn’t clear, but it has never seemed brighter.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hello! thanks for reading to the end!
> 
> i want to quickly apologize for the lack of updates in the sun verse, i've been set back by various real life issues that needed taking care of, but the gang will be back soon! thank you very much to everyone who supports my writing <3
> 
> shoutout as always to the crew, bru, dylan and ricki, who always encourage my shenanigans hehe
> 
> i'll be over on [twitter](http://twitter.com/diaminghao) if you wanna reach me!
> 
> cya~


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